Aloha, my loves.
It’s been an awfully long time, but I am alive and well. In fact, I haven’t felt this at peace in a couple of moons. Realising how balanced my soul can actually be, leads to exuberance, but also entails grief concerning the time lost in the dark.
I’ve come to share some of the revelations I’ve been given through my therapy sessions in the last weeks. Before I start, I would like to encourage anyone out there who feels like their soul is hurting in some way to seek help. Your struggles are valid and you are legitimate for wanting to heal. Life is all about perspective, which is why the fate of people suffering far away doesn’t affect us the same way that it would in our own midst. A friend recently told me how we go to the doctor whenever one of our body parts is hurting. Some people go in for a cough, others once their condition’s aggravated, e.g. rendering them unable to breathe freely. She then said: Why is it that we seek help for our ailments, regardless of how insignificant they may seem, yet we continue to feel terribly conflicted when our heart, our soul is hurting? I thought she made a beautiful point: Our soul plays a paramount role in keeping our body healthy. It is the incredible source of energy guiding our vessels made of flesh and bone. We need to take better care of ourselves.
As mentioned in a previous entry, this isn’t the first time I’ve sought professional help for my broken mind. However, it is the first time that it is going to be accompanying me for a prolonged period of time. I cannot say that pouring your heart out becomes easier each week – because it really doesn’t. Right before my appointment, I feel anxious. The anxiety fades away quickly once I’m into the session, but I do feel that working on your internalised issues is a process that requires vast amounts of energy. Leaving therapy each week I feel drained, but contented. It gives me time to speak my mind, providing me with a safe allocated time slot each week where I can freely declutter everything that has been going on. Being confronted with your demons is rough – for me, finding out how much self-loathing I am carrying inside is truly a shocking thing to experience. My therapist will sometimes pretend to be the voice in my head, or my internalised voice telling me the horrible things straight to my face. It’s in these situations that I realise how poorly I speak to myself – something I’d never dare direct towards other people. “This is cruel, why would anyone bring me down like that?” – when in reality, all of this stems from a place devoid of self-love and self-acceptance. I would say that I have already ventured past the ‘honeymoon phase’ of my therapy. The first few sessions were a lot easier for me than the more recent ones. We have been discussing a lot of things that happened in my childhood, things I would rather keep concealed or didn’t know I was suppressing. When those things resurface, it can be terrifying, but I want to keep pushing forward.
How was your experience with therapy? Sending lots of love and light,